Dog Owners Who Refuse To Clean Up Their Dog’s S*it Will Have Their Faces Rubbed In It
Recently, our morale hotline has been inundated with calls from angry citizens who have endured morale failures after stepping in dog s*it that has been left on the streets and in parks by lazy dog owners.
Because so many people have been off of work and have been walking their dogs over the last two weeks, the amount of dog crap on the floor has quadrupled as more and more dog owners fail to clean up after their four-legged-chums.
This disgusting and vile habit has meant that citizens have been treading in the foul-smelling poop because they have not been able to spot the stuff on the floor owing to the dark mornings and dark evenings.
Your dog can’t clean its own poop up, so you have to instead
Because of this, the Ministry of Morale has been forced to take action.
Unless dog owners remove their pets s*it from public areas, then a morale agent will either spread the poop over their faces, or they will force the owners to stand next to the poop until it erodes away.
This erosion process could take many years, but the owner will have to keep a constant watch on the poop to make sure that no unsuspecting citizens stand in it and end up walking the poop around their workplaces or homes.
Talking about the situation, our Chief Morale Officer said:
“There is a reason why we do not see citizens crouching down and sh*tting in the street, and that is because it is disgusting.
“So why let your dog do it? You won’t be the poor soul who steps in it, because you know where the toxic deposit is.
“Its the poor individuals who are just going about their daily business who will end up treading in it and walking it in their house before they realise that they have stepped in one of the most toxic substances known to humanity.
“It’s vile and unnecessary. If you do not want to pick up dog s*it, then don’t get a frigging dog. It really is that simple.
“By rubbing your face in the poop left by your dog, then you will get a real understanding of just how vile the stuff is.
“If you are out walking your dog, but you forget to take your poo bags with you, then you must stand next to the poop and illuminate it with your mobile phone so that your fellow citizens don’t end up stepping in it.
“When fewer citizens are around (normally at around 0300 hours) then you can return to your dwellings”.
Are you any good at writing satirical articles or do you fancy giving it a go?
If ‘yes’ and you fancy trying your hand at writing a satirical piece, then send us your best attempt for a chance to get it published on our website and social media pages.
Your article can be about anything you like (apart from politics) and should ideally be between 300-500 words long.
If your article gets over 250,000 views in four weeks, then we will pay you £100 – what a fantastic morale boost!
Please send your submissions into us via our Facebook page! Satire is also an excellent way of getting things off of your chest #JustSaying