New ‘Fake Cop’ Service Launched To Save People From Their Nagging Partners

The Ministry of Morale is pleased to announce that it will be launching a brand new ‘fake cop’ service to help citizens who are suffering at the hands of their nagging partner(s). 

For example, pretend police from the Ministry of Morale can ‘arrest’ you in front of your wife on a Friday lunchtime and ‘release’ you back again on a Tuesday.

During this time, you are free to do whichever activities please you the most such as, fishing, camping, drinking beer, going down the pub with your mates, watching the football or just sleeping. 

For female citizens, our pretend police can arrest you in front of your partners and can pretend to detain you for a period of up to 7 days. 

During this time, you are free to go to the spa, go shopping, nip over to Marbella with your mates, go drinking cocktails or you can just watch ‘Love Actually’ on repeat in one of our comfy woman caves. 

Citizens can even request the offence for which they want to be arrested in front of their partners such as ‘for being too attractive’ or for ‘being too funny’. 

Walter Mitty’s can even request that they are ‘arrested’ because the Government needs them to take part in a covert operation out in the countryside. 

Our pretend coppers will even tell your partner that you are not allowed to take any phone calls for the period that you are being ‘detained’ which will mean that you will indeed be nag-free for the period of time that you request to be kept in ‘custody’. 

Talking about the new service, our Chief Morale Officer said:

“Of course, we all love our partners. 

“But every now and again, it’s nice just to be able to spend some quality time doing things which please you the most, without having to worry about getting into trouble. 

“We believe that this new service achieves that aim. 

“Each package will cost between £500 – £1000, with the monies, raised going directly to the Ministry of Morales staff Christmas party. 

“We can even tell your partner that you are not allowed to make any phones calls and that you will need some money ‘for food’. 

“This will mean that you should have enough money to really go out and enjoy yourself without having to account for where the money has been spent. 

“You can even leave the country if you really want to, and nip over to places which are rich in culture, such as Amsterdam or Prague. 

“Our make-up artists will ensure that on the day of your ‘release’ you end up looking like you have just spent the last four days in a cell without being able to wash or brush your teeth.”

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