Top Reasons Nurses Are Leaving The Professional To Become High-Class Escorts

The Ministry of Morale has been conducting exit interviews with nursing staff who have been leaving the profession to become high-class escorts.

We asked leavers to note down the top three reasons as to why they choose to leave the nursing profession to become £1,000-per-night escorts.

Our statisticians collated all of the answers which did not contain any profanities, and the results were surprising.

Here is a list of their top 15 responses:

  1. You still have to work nights, but at least you get to spend it on your back.
  2. No charting!
  3. You only have to keep them alive for 30 minutes- not 12 hours.
  4. Pillow therapy means something completely different.
  5. The only person to micromanage you is your pimp.
  6. You only have to serve one person at a time
  7. Evidence-based practice? They “finish.”
  8. The only thing better than wearing scrubs to work is wearing nothing to work.
  9. If someone pees on you, you can charge extra.
  10. Groin management is welcomed and not feared.
  11. Patient satisfaction? No surveys!! (See #7.)
  12. Frequent fliers mean you’re doing a good job, not a bad one.
  13. Cash tips.
  14. You actually get paid when someone tells you, “hey! Look at THIS.”
  15. STDS are easier to clear up than C-Diff or MRSA.

Talking about the results, our Chief Morale Officer said:

“It is now clear why so many nurses are leaving the profession, and who can blame them?

“The Ministry of Morale will now be making recommendations to politicians that they incorporate some of the points above into nursing (such as cash tips and charing patients extra when they pee on you”).

“We would like to thank the 214,546 nurses who took part in the survey/exit interview”.

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