New ‘GINBULANCES’ Being Rolled Out Across The Country
The Ministry of Morale is pleased to confirm that from an as-yet-unspecified date, a new emergency ‘Ginbulance’ service will be introduced.
The ‘Ginbulance’ will be on-hand to make its way to anyone who requires a Gin, for whatever reason.
Citizens who need Gin will be able to call a dedicated number that will put them straight through to the Gin Control Room (GCR).
Operators will then assess how much Gin is needed, which flavour and whether the medicinal liquid will need to be served straight, or with a mixer.
The Ginbulance will then make its way to the ‘patient’ ASAP.
Once on scene, the patient will be invited into the back of the Ginbulance, either on their own or with their work colleagues/friends, where they will then be able to consume as much Gin as they need.
The Ginbulance. Yum.
Talking about the service, our Chief Morale Officer said:
“Owing to the amount of stress people have to endure at the moment, we felt that it was necessary to introduce the ‘Ginbulance’.
“Our research has shown us that citizens are 110% more likely to feel happier once they have had a gin (or four).
“Because of this, we decided to invest money in the emergency ‘Ginbulance’ service.
“Only the most excellent Gin will be offered, and patients will be able to lay down and have a sleep in the back of the Ginbulance if they consume too much of the stuff.
“Leftover Pizza/kebab/caviar will also be kept in the back of the Ginbulance, just in case the patient needs something nutritious to eat, having consumed their Gin.
“The Ginbulance will be ready to deal with calls from citizens who are either at work or home”.