New ‘Clown’ Ambulance To Be Sent To People Who Call 999 For Papercuts

The Ministry of Morale is pleased to announce the introduction of a new emergency ambulance service that will be reserved, especially for people who call 999 for papercuts and other silly reasons.

For example, if you call 999 and demand an ambulance because you have dropped your mobile phone on your foot, then the clown ambulance will attend.

The clown ambulance will also be used for calls where a patient has been rude to the Emergency Operations Centre Staff.

Or where the patient has previously acted in a nasty way towards medics.

Once inside the clown ambulance, the patient will be paraded around their local high street while at the same time having custard pies thrown in their faces.

It is hoped that this new service will deter people from wasting ambulance services time.

For example;

Did you know that some people call 999 to demand that an ambulance takes them to A&E so that they can visit their mate who ended up in the department after drinking too much and acting like a buffoon?

You might think that this sort of thing does not happen, but we can assure you that it does.

And that’s why the ‘clown ambulance’ will be on standby.

Ready to be sent to the self-entitled individuals who, despite never having paid anything into the NHS, still believe they have the right to abuse the service.

Talking about the situation, our Chief Morale Officer said:

“We are getting fed up with our highly trained medics being sent to ’emergency’ calls which, even in some amateur dramatics associations, still would not constitute an ’emergency’.

“If you are unsure when an emergency ambulance should be called, then visit the website of your local ambulance service to familiarise yourself with the function of the ambulance service.

“Ultimately, nobody wants to be treated like a clown.

“But if you waste the time of the ambulance service, by calling 999 because you have cut your finger on some paper, then, in effect, you are a clown.

“And thus the ‘Clownbulance’ will be sent to your location.

“If you are genuinely unsure as to when you should call 999 and request an emergency ambulance, then check out the guide that is on the NHS.uk website”.

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