New Poll Reveals That Most Civvy Men Fantasise About Being In The Infantry
According to the results of a new morale poll, commissioned by the Ministry of Morale, the majority of civilian males spend most of their time fantasising about sleeping with their sister-in-law AND being an infantryman.
Out of the 1,000 civilian males who responded to our survey – having been promised a pint of beer if they did – 91% confirmed that they had often fantasised about joining the infantry.
0.1% of those who responded confirmed that they had fantasised about joining the air force, while 8% of civilian males verified that they had fantasised about joining the navy, but they thought that they ‘weren’t camp enough’ to sign up.
The results of the survey seem to suggest that a lot of men, having completed hundreds of ‘campaigns’ in the popular video game: ‘Tour of Duty’, seem to think that they would make good infantrymen.
In reality, however, most of the 91% of the males who responded to the survey could probably not even fight their way out of a wet paper bag.
Talking about the findings, our Chief Morale Officer said:
“By covertly listening to peoples ‘smart speakers’, we have known for some time now that the vast majority of male civilians have, at some point, fantasised about being in the military.
“We would encourage such males to put their console controllers down, get down the gym, get massive and then think about applying for the infantry.
“We would also like to point out to prospective infantrymen, that reality is nothing like the videos games which you have spent many hours playing and, once you have signed up, you will find yourself in a muddy field, shi**ing in a plastic bag and throwing it at your mates.
“However, that is still better than sitting at home with your c__k in your hand, banging one out in between 12-hour sessions of playing computer games.
“Plus, most women love a man in uniform”.