WATCH: New Way Of Settling Work-Related Arguments Announced
The Ministry of Morale is pleased to announce a new non-confrontational way of settling work-related arguments and/or disputes that does not resort to violence.
Rather than having an argument at work in front of peace-loving colleagues, then any employees who end up having a disagreement over things such as ‘who used my milk?’, ‘where is my fork?’ and ‘who has been sleeping with my girlfriend?’ can now have a ‘sword fight’ with inflatable penises (IP’s).
The disgruntled employees will each strap-on one of these IP’s to their waists before being put in front of each other.
Angry staff will then be able to try and overcum their opponent by repeatedly striking their waist until one of them finally gives up or until the IP deflates.
Not only will this new way of resolving disputes actually increase morale of co-workers, but it will also prevent morale failures from spreading like wildfire.
Morale HQ has been trialling this new proposal over the last few weeks and we can confirm that in 100% of cases where employees fell out with each other, then after challenging each other to an IP dual, the staff members concerned became the best of bum-chums.
Talking about the announcement, our Chief Morale Officer said:
“Here at the MoM, we want to make sure that all employees get on with each other.
“And whilst arguments do happen, we wanted to try and cum up with a way of placating feuding staff. And we think we have found it.
“During our trials, we found that the sight of co-workers wrestling with IP’s was enough to not only increase the overall morale within the workplace, but it was also enough to revert the anger of the feuding staff into an outpouring of love and morale-inducing-bliss.
“If you know, or work with anyone, who has a tendency to kick off, then the prospect of having to take on their co-workers whilst wearing a massive IP will be enough to make them think twice about their aggressive tone and conduct.
“We are also thinking about introducing this method of resolving arguments into the private dwelling places of citizens in order to help adults to behave more like children when it comes to settling their disputes.”