‘Complaints’ Against Kleenex ‘MANSIZE’ Tissues Sparks MASSIVE Morale Outbreak

Our highly trained and highly motivated morale technicians have been monitoring ‘the social media’ closely in the last week, since the people who make Kleenex ‘mansize’ tissues bowed down to pressure from about 0.000000001% of the population who, for some reason, took offence to large snot rags (tissues) being referred to as ‘mansize’.

This is despite the fact that men (south of Birmingham) tend to be bigger than women and thus referring to something as ‘mansize’, to anyone with a little bit of common sense, just means that whatever it is that is being referred to as ‘mansize’, is, generally speaking, bigger.

Thankfully, the great British public all receive rigorous MANdatory, sorry ‘GENDERNEUTRALatory’, training at an early age in the fine art of banter and have thus turned what was essentially a huge and embarrassing shit show into a laughing stock.

Twitterers have been tweeting various companies and organisations, demanding that they also change their brand names in order to appease fictitious ‘4-year-old children’ who ‘apparently’ want to know why certain products are referred to as ‘mansive’.

When we put the question regarding as to whether or not people actually care about a product being called ‘mansize’ into our Probability Machine (which lets us know if someone could potentially, on the balance of known probability, be bullshitting) then the technical response that came out of the Probability Machine was ‘utter bo**ocks’


Most 4-year-olds only care about the next episode of Mr Tumble or the Teletubbies.

Our common sense comrades here at the Ministry of Morale, having reviewed all of the available evidence, determined that the chances of a 4-year-old specifically pointing out and asking about the word ‘mansize’ on a box of tissues was ‘unlikely‘.

Our Chief Morale Officer said:

The public have not let us down here and they must be applauded for their reaction to such a ridiculous and absurd situation.

“99.99% of people do not care if tissues are referred to as ‘mansize’ and yet we have a large organisation pandering to moaning and whining people who really should perhaps have other things to worry about rather than the word ‘mansize’ being on a box of tissues.

“Our banter artisans here at the Ministry of Morale, highly trained in the fine art of banter, were extremely impressed by the response of light-hearted citizens who started to tweet various companies demanding that they change their names in order to appease the 0.00000001%’ers.

“The ridiculousness of the whole sorry episode was turned into a massive joke by some of the tweets which have been sent into our Morale Enforcement Department“.


Our Chief Morale Officer continued:

“The United Kingdom had risked becoming a laughing stock around the world for pandering to people who really do seem to think that ‘mansize’ is sexist.

“However, thanks to the tweets shown above, then the United Kingdom can once again rejoice in the fact that its citizens have managed to pull back an embarrassing situation into a prime example as to why the citizens of the United Kingdom really are at the top of their game when it comes to highlighting other peoples silliness.

“For a while we were staring into the abyss of political correctness gone mad. We risked becoming a laughing stock around the world.

“But thanks to the general public, we can now once again hold our heads high”.

The Ministry of Morale is committed to try and increase the morale of all citizens both inside and outside of the public sector, from all over the world. 

If you have experienced a sudden and unexpected drop in morale, for whatever reason, and you would like to make us aware of what has happened, then you are encouraged to make a short video of the ‘morale failure’ and send it into us via our facebook page (see below). 

The video might then be shared with the general public in order to bring awareness to the issue that has led to the morale failure. 

Remember to follow our page (below) for more regular morale updates and recommendations which will be ignored by those in Government.



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