Length Of Service ‘Blah’ Entitlements | Police

The Ministry of Morale has collated the following guide for all police officers.

It outlines the levels of ‘blah’ that officers are entitled to waffle on about, depending upon their length of service.

The following must be strictly adhered to, otherwise, you might be liable for fines under the Cake Fines (Offences) Act:

Platinum Card 15 – 30 years service

Officers in the above category are permitted:

1. Unlimited Blah during any tour of duty

2. The right to tell outrageous tall stories and swing the blue lamp without challenge – even if it’s obvious they are lies or physically impossible.

3. However, all the above are obliged to mention the miner’s strike, the Brixton/Tottenham Riots or any major act of terrorism or civil unrest and imply they played a pivotal role for which they are entitled to humble acclaim

Gold Card 10 – 15 years service

Officers in the above category are permitted:

1. Unlimited Blah during any tour of duty

2. All Blah must be factually based, but subject to generous poetic license

3. May be challenged by Platinum cardholders only

4. Any non-borough Blah to be supported by a witnessing officer.

Silver Card 4 – 10 years service

Officers in the above category are permitted:

1. Unlimited Blah when supervised by Platinum or Gold cardholders

2. Unsupervised Blah when in company of junior officers – subject to a strict enforcement of no more than an audience of four (4) other officers – none of whom are allowed to hold probationer status

3. May only Blah about any incident attended in company of a senior card holder after that officer has first declined the opportunity to do so or considers the Blah factor to be beneath his exclusive position.

Bronze Card 2 – 4 years service

Officers in the above category are permitted:

1. All Blah to be limited to no more than 30 minutes per tour of duty

2. Must consult a Platinum Cardholder about Blah content before addressing the public arena

3. All Blah to be factual and witnessing officer to be present during presentation.

4. Any Blah from a previously worked division to be supported by MG11 from witnessing officer/s

5. Must accept all belittling and ridicule of their Blah efforts in good spirit

6. Under no circumstances to Blah to probationary constables unless supervised by a Platinum Cardholder

Probationary Bronze Card 0 – 2 years service

Officers in the above category are permitted:

1. NO BLAH WHATSOEVER

3 comments

  • What about retired officers? We can’t be challenged on anything because we nearly caught Jack the Ripper, survived the blitz, never got paid overtime and were on duty 24/7 then were called to court on our one RD a month every month for 5 years.

  • You had a Rest day every month? I was in the Met and we worked all our RDs.

  • James Edward Firth

    I went to school with Robert Peel, taught him everything he knew.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.