New Replacement For POLICE DOGS & Their Handlers Finally Announced

As citizens will know, there are some strange politicians out there who think that, by cutting the number of police officers, then crime won’t increase.

Here at the MoM, we know that most of you cannot understand why anyone with any common sense would think that cutting the numbers of police officers was a good idea, unless, of course, a person responsible for such an idea had lived a life so far removed from crime and the effects of crime, that they perhaps think that the police are not needed at all.

As part of the legacy surrounding the cuts, the MoM was asked to come up with a replacement for police dog handlers, as the amount of money spent on tennis balls each year is thought to be in excess of £100 billion (per dog).

Thus, it gives us great pleasure to announce that ‘land sharks’ will be replaced with these genetically modified dogs which are ‘engineered’ to look like puppies.

The new police canines will be known as ‘puppy sharks’.

We have gone for the ‘puppy look’ because we are aware that there are some liberal citizens out there who think that police dogs should not be allowed to bite naughty people.

So instead, these ‘puppy sharks’ will (hopefully) turn even the most hardened criminal into a warm and loving human being.

As citizens can probably tell by the various images, the traditional dog handler has been replaced by a miniature robotic ‘Spiderkid’.

In order to placate the organisations who think that the police are too ‘overbearing’, even though the police have to deal with some of the most violent members of our society, the MoM decided to use robotic ‘Spiderkids’ as they were deemed to be more ‘approachable’ than regular police officers.

It is also hoped that Spiderkid will be able to strike a chord with the child-like mentality of some naughty citizens who believe that they can do whatever they want, when they want – even if that means breaking the law.

As these new ‘puppy sharks’ are too small to cause any real damage to tennis balls, then it is hoped that quadzillions of sterlings will be saved each year.

Talking about the new ‘puppy sharks’, our Chief Morale Officer said:

“Due to the pressure being put on us by some organisations who believe that every single criminal is a victim, the MoM had to act.

“So we hope that these new ‘customer friendly’ ‘puppy sharks’ with their ‘Spiderkid’ handlers will be less oppressive to the eyes of those well-intentioned but misguided individuals who, having never been the victim of a crime themselves, believe that naughty citizens should be treated in a kid-like manner.

“Because of the way these ‘puppy sharks’ have been genetically modified, they will always look like puppies.

“Note also that ‘spiderkid’ has no PPE.

“This is because we are hoping that, when responding to incidents, the crime-fighting duo will be enough to melt the hearts of some individuals who seem to be heartless, owing to the manner in which they treat their fellow humans.

“As ‘spiderkid’ is robotic, then he/she will quite happily work 7 days of 18-hour shifts, thus taking the strain off of human police officers who have more-or-less been treated like robots anyway.

“Our next task will be to find a replacement for police horses and, eventually, regular police officers too.

“Make sure you follow our page (scroll down) in order to be kept updated on developments.

“If you see these ‘puppy sharks’ out on patrol, then we would advise citizens not to approach them as they still love chewing on humans and, in particular, they love biting fingers and licking ear holes.

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The Ministry of Morale is committed and dedicated to trying to increase the morale of all citizens all over the world. Please note, that our articles are satirical. We have to add this, as some citizens missed out when common sense was being handed out. 

If you have experienced a sudden morale failure or a sudden drop in morale, for whatever reason, then we would invite you to make a 3 minute VLOG explaining what the morale failure is, when it happened, what you think is responsible for the morale failure and any other information which you think we should know about. 

We would then invite you to send the video into us, so that we can share it with the general public.

Your fellow citizens will then be able to leave comments on the video giving you their advice and wisdom. Please note, that the video must be at least 3 minutes long, must not contain any profanities and/or nudity.

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