New Work Bed Announced For ‘Old Sweats’

The Ministry of Morale is pleased to announce that it is rolling out new ‘vintage’ beds for emergency services, armed forces, security services and NHS personnel who have been in the job a long time.

Like a rare wine, ‘old sweats’ must be looked after because they are such a rarity owing to the amount of people who have been resigning from the aforementioned professions.

It is hoped that these vintage beds will not only preserve ‘old sweats’ but that they will also give them a place to go where they can escape from the ‘snowflake’ generation.

Whilst at work, if ‘old sweats’ decide that they have had enough of the waffle being churned out by the ‘newbies’, then they can retire to their ‘vintage’ bed in order to have a bit of ‘time out’.

Talking about the beds, our Chief Morale Officer said:

“As with expensive and rare bottles of wines, the more service emergency services, armed forces and NHS personnel have, the more valuable they become.

“For this reason, we have decided to roll out these vintage beds.

“Once inside the vintage bed, the ‘old sweat’ will be able to inhale the relaxing odours which are given off by the vintage oak beds, which should hopefully restore their faith in the service that they joined so long ago.

“Due to the thickness of the wood used to make the beds, no-one will be able to get into the beds and invade the ‘private time’ of the ‘old sweats’.

“For old sweats who have work radios, the radio signals will not be able to penetrate the 7-inch thick wood so they are guaranteed not to be disturbed in order to deal with a job given to them by a ‘graduate entry’ supervisor.

“At the end of the day, ‘old sweats’ are a valuable resource in the emergency services, the armed forces, the security services and the NHS and thus they MUST be looked after.

“Owing to the constant changes which are being introduced into the aforementioned professions, more and more people are leaving and taking with them their non-PC attitudes which, for so long, have kept this country going.

“This is why we must act.

“We must try and stop people leaving the emergency services, the armed forces and the NHS and we hope that, by the introduction of these beds, then more and more old sweats will stay in the job rather than resigning.

“In particular, we are worried about the fact that the police force is allowing direct entry senior ranks to join the force who do not have to have any experience in policing and instead, just have to prove that they can retain information in the form of studying and can regurgitate that information in the form of exams.

“Common sense and experience are two of the most undervalued traits known to humans, and thus we must do everything we can in order to protect it and the humans who carry it”.

The Ministry of Morale is committed and dedicated to trying to increase the morale of all citizens all over the world. 

If you have experienced a sudden morale failure or a sudden drop in morale, for whatever reason, then we would invite you to make a 3 minute video clip explaining what the morale failure is, when it happened, what you think is responsible for the morale failure and any other information which you think we should know about. 

We would then invite you to send the video into us, so that we can share the video with the general public so that they will be able to leave comments on the video giving you their advice and wisdom. 

Please note, that the video must be at least 3 minutes long, must not contain any profanities and/or nudity.

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