Category Archives: Common Sense Failure

New Health & Safety Rules Mean ‘Wet Floor’ Signs Must Be Floated On The Surface Of Swimming Pools

New health & safety rules mean that swimming pools must now float ‘wet floor’ signs on the surface of their pools.  While most people understand that the bottom of swimming pools will be wet, the Ministry of Morale has been made aware that some citizens have been able to sue swimming pool owners for not making them aware that the

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Police Officers Must Now Provide Energy Bars To Wrong’uns Who Run Away From Them

The Ministry of Morale has decided that Police Officers and PCSOs must now provide energy bars to citizens who run away from them; just in case the wrong’uns get hungry.  This foolish decision has been made after it became apparent that police officers are not removing their own clothing to keep wrong’uns warm who have broken the law.  So we

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Male Tries To Outsmart A ‘Medical Kiosk’, But FAILS

An unhappy citizen contacted us recently after they had a bizarre encounter with a ‘medical kiosk’. The message sent into our Morale Operations Centre read: ‘Asda installed a medical kiosk, for £10 and a urine sample, it would diagnose any condition. ‘When my friend went with a sore elbow, the computer printout read: “You have tennis elbow. Soak it in

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Fire Risk As Citizens Plug Their Phone Chargers Into Dollars Bills, Hoping They ‘Charge’ To $100 Bills

The Ministry of Morale is advising citizens who find themselves in the United States NOT to plug their phone charges into dollar bills in the hope that they ‘charge up’ to $100 bills. The trend started after someone called ‘Hunter’ was overheard talking in a Hooters Bar about how he had managed to turn a $1 into $100 after he

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Citizen Has A Meltdown After Member Of Emergency Services ‘Spotted’ In A Shop

The follow is a personal message from our Chief Morale Officer to the citizen who posted in a ‘spotted’ group, after they saw a member of the emergency services DARE to enter a shop: BEGIN MESSAGE: ‘You might think that this headline/morale notice is a wind-up. But, alas, it is not. Someone actually had a morale failure after they saw

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Our Police Officers Are Enduring Morale Failures Like NEVER Before | Morale Report

As the only ‘organisation’ that genuinely cares about the collective morale of the emergency services, then we feel obliged to report to citizens that the majority of police officers are enduring morale failures like never before. If you have a chip on your shoulder or you don’t like the police (because you keep getting arrested) or you believe that the

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Owner Of £60,000 Mercedes Endures HUGE Morale Failure As Car Sinks Beneath The Waves

The Ministry of Morale has been made aware of an incident whereby the owner of a £60,000 Mercedes decided to take their vehicle ‘off road’ (onto a beach) only to see their pride-and-joy sink beneath the frigid waves as the tide came in after the car got stuck in the sand. The owner/driver of the car decided to enjoy the

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Citizens Asked NOT To Put Their Dogs In Bins After They Have Pooped

During a routine morale patrol, our morale enforcement officers noticed that a citizen had placed their dog directly into a bin after her dog had pooped on a communal bit of grass. As the citizen who had carried out this worrying act was still in the vicinity, our morale enforcement officers asked her to account for her actions. It transpired

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A Policeman Was Filmed Bouncing On A Trampoline | But Here’s Why No-One Really Cares…

One of our undercover morale agents brought our attention to the fact that a video has emerged on social media of a police officer bouncing on a trampoline in the garden of a property that officers were ‘visiting’ owing to suspected criminality at the address. The video was filmed by an official member of the Association of Professional Bystanders (APB)

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Protestors Sending Mixed Messages As Hyde Park Resembles A Plastic Rubbish Tip (This Is Satire By The Way)

Some protestors and/or campaigners (we aren’t sure exactly who) have been sending mixed messages to the environment and to the general public, by not taking their rubbish home with them after a hard day of filling up London’s parks and have instead been leaving a vast amount of plastic waste in public areas. The protestors who took up residence in

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