Category Archives: Satire

What To Know What You Will Look Like If You Smoke Meth? Use The Face App ‘Age’ Feature

The Ministry of Morale has noticed how popular the ‘face app’ (ageing feature) has become as millions of citizens indulge themselves in a bit of time travelling into the future. The freaky pictures have been filing the social media timelines of the bewildered family and friends of the individuals who have been using the feature. However, what many citizens have

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WATCH: Drones Armed With Fireworks Being Used To Break Up Morale Gatherings (Street Parties)

Undercover Morale Agents, based in our Brazil office, have made us aware of a new tactic being employed by some citizens to break up gatherings of people who are engaging in various urban morale activities. In the video below, a Brazilian citizen decided that he had enough of an impromptu street party that had kicked off near to his home

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‘We’ll Make It Rain For 365 Days To Reduce Crime’ Says Chief Morale Officer

The Ministry of Morale is announcing plans to interfere with the climate to make it rain for the next 365 days. it is hoped that, by doing this, then crimes rates around the country will start to decrease as wrong-uns tend not to go out when it’s wet. Since Mrs May cut police numbers, we have seen an increase in

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Victims Of ‘MEME Theft’ To Be Offered Emotional Support

Even though, in reality, a MEME cannot be ‘stolen’ as it is merely copied and shared on the same social media platform where it was found. However, some professional MEME sharers have been in contact with the Ministry of Morale via our morale hotline, to seek emotional support having seen someone else sharing ‘their’ MEME. Often, this support is sought

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New ‘Clown’ Ambulance To Be Sent To People Who Call 999 For Papercuts

The Ministry of Morale is pleased to announce the introduction of a new emergency ambulance service that will be reserved, especially for people who call 999 for papercuts and other silly reasons. For example, if you call 999 and demand an ambulance because you have dropped your mobile phone on your foot, then the clown ambulance will attend. The clown

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Study Reveals That 99% Of People Who Refer To The Police As ‘Pigs’, Failed The Police Entrance Exam

The Ministry of Morale can reveal that 99% of the individuals who call the police ‘pigs’ have, in fact, failed the police entry exam. This would explain why such individuals compare police officers to animals that have to put up with being surrounded by so much s**t every day. The study was started after one of our undercover morale officers

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Police Officers Refusing To Do Their Level Two Public Order Training To Safeguard Their Morale

The Ministry of Morale has been made aware of the fact that some police officers are refusing to do their level two public order training, as, once completed, the training adversely affects their (already depleted) morale. We are hearing unconfirmed yet credible reports that the number of cancelled rest days for level two officers is now getting beyond a joke,

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New Poll Reveals That Most Civvy Men Fantasise About Being In The Infantry

According to the results of a new morale poll, commissioned by the Ministry of Morale, the majority of civilian males spend most of their time fantasising about sleeping with their sister-in-law AND being an infantryman. Out of the 1,000 civilian males who responded to our survey – having been promised a pint of beer if they did – 91% confirmed

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‘We Need People Who Want To F__k Other People Up’ New Army Recruitment Campaign Announced

The Ministry of Morale will be rolling out a new no-nonsense recruitment campaign that will aim to recruit some of the country’s hardest men and women into the armed forces. In the past, our recruitment campaigns have asked for ‘snowflakes’ and people who play Call of Duty 23 hours a day, to sign up. But we quickly realised that this

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Military Wives To Automatically Get The Same Rank As Their Husbands

The Ministry of Morale is pleased to announce that as from an as yet unknown date, military wives will now automatically have the same rank as their husbands. This decision follows a long-term consultation during which military wives were asked about what they find most annoying about their husbands being in the military. While their husbands being away for extended

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