A heroic hound has been commended by ball enthusiasts for swimming 22 miles out into the North Sea to retrieve his owner’s favourite tennis ball. The dog, named ‘Neptune’, was taking its owner for a walk along the beach earlier this year. The dog had instructed its owner to repeatedly throw the ball into the heavy seas so that ‘Neptune’
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Citizens have been reporting morale failures via our morale hotline after realising that pressing the ‘home’ button on their phones while at work, won’t actually get them home. Citizens have told us that they thought pressing the ‘home’ button would mean that they could finish work, despite only being there five minutes. After pressing the ‘home’ button on their mobile
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The Ministry of Morale is appealing for witnesses who may have seen the Sun being put into the back of a vehicle in Liverpool over the weekend. Evidence has surfaced, which shows an unknown citizen taking the Sun from the sky and placing it into the back of a car before driving off at speed. As the Sun is vital
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The Ministry of Morale is pleased to announce that these new ‘no one cares’ pills will be available over the counter from an as-yet-undisclosed date. The pills are to be administered to citizens who tend to always complain about petty things over and over and over again. This constant complaining is having the effect of bringing down the morale of
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1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in the right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow the cat to close mouth and swallow. 2)
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The Ministry of Morale can confirm that ‘takedown’ mode will now be fitted to police vehicles for when officers are single crewed. Single crewing is a phenomenon in policing where police officers are expected to face dangerous situations on their own and often without any back-up nearby. This situation has arisen because, a few years ago, some politicians (who have
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The Ministry of Morale is preparing its Morale Coordination Centre (MCC) to be inundated with calls from emergency services and NHS personnel who will experience morale failures tonight. The reason for this is that thousands of citizens who like to act like complete tatwaffles will end up firing fireworks at emergency vehicles just because they enjoy acting like complete and
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The big boss of McDonald’s (not Ronald McDonald, but someone else) has been fired after he was caught dipping his McNugget in a sauce box that belonged to one of his staff. Big-bosses are always expected to keep their McNuggets to themselves, and it is often frowned upon if any big bosses are seen to dip their McNuggets in sauce
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A recent study conducted by intelligent people recommends that citizens consume at least 11 glasses (or bottles) of booze per day to help stave off reality. If you work in a particularly stressful job, then it is recommended that you quadruple this number. Escaping from the reality of high taxes, s*it weather, bad bosses and people who have B.O. can
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A male who hid a firework up his a*se before getting lifted by the Cops has ended up in tears after falling on a lighter while being held in custody. The male was picked up by the police after acting like a buffoon and causing a nuisance in his local neighbourhood. Officers were called to the scene and quickly identified
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