Category Archives: Armed Forces Morale

New Poll Reveals That Most Civvy Men Fantasise About Being In The Infantry

According to the results of a new morale poll, commissioned by the Ministry of Morale, the majority of civilian males spend most of their time fantasising about sleeping with their sister-in-law AND being an infantryman. Out of the 1,000 civilian males who responded to our survey – having been promised a pint of beer if they did – 91% confirmed

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‘We Need People Who Want To F__k Other People Up’ New Army Recruitment Campaign Announced

The Ministry of Morale will be rolling out a new no-nonsense recruitment campaign that will aim to recruit some of the country’s hardest men and women into the armed forces. In the past, our recruitment campaigns have asked for ‘snowflakes’ and people who play Call of Duty 23 hours a day, to sign up. But we quickly realised that this

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Military Wives To Automatically Get The Same Rank As Their Husbands

The Ministry of Morale is pleased to announce that as from an as yet unknown date, military wives will now automatically have the same rank as their husbands. This decision follows a long-term consultation during which military wives were asked about what they find most annoying about their husbands being in the military. While their husbands being away for extended

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How The Armed Forces Do Personal Development Feedback

For anyone who might be worried that the armed forces might be going soft, then fear not. Many veterans, having seen some of the recent recruitment campaigns which have been ‘masterminded’ by civvies on behalf of the armed forces, had started to think that the military was beginning to resemble a yoga training camp. But the Ministry of Morale has

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Morale Failure As Two Navy Pilots Disciplined For ‘Drawing’ Massive Penis Using Their Jets

The Ministry of Morale (armed forces division) understands that the United States Navy has disciplined two of its pilots who¬†drew a giant penis in the skies above Washington State. Citizens looked on in amazement at what they saw as the two unidentified pilots of the EA-18G ‘Growler’ (no pun intended – that’s the actual name of the aircraft) outlined the

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Paper Targets To Be Given More Rights Under New Proposals

Paper targets which are often found at the end of firing ranges are to be given more rights under new proposals being put forward by the Ministry of Morale. Paper targets are often forced to stand at the bottom of ranges whilst security services personnel unleash a volley of rounds towards them. However, the paper targets are rarely consulted in

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Former ISIS Members Who Want To Now ‘Come Home’ Told To ‘F__K OFF’ By The Public

This morning at around 0930 hours, our morale monitoring equipment went into meltdown after detecting numerous morale failures throughout the country. Immediately, our morale agents started to try and work out what had caused the morale failures so that morale enforcement units could be despatched to the areas which needed them most. After some sneaky-beaky work by our morale agents,

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New Gum Released To Help Prevent Excessive Masturbation

The Ministry of Morale is pleased to announce that a new chewing gum has been developed in order to help people who have become addicted to the act of ‘self love’. It is hoped that the gum will prevent the need for people to ‘relieve’ themselves when in places other than their bedrooms. Whilst the act of self-love can be

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Soldiers Voted As Being The ‘Sexiest’ In The Armed Forces According To New Poll

During a recent deployment to America, our highly trained and equally-as-motivated morale officers, whilst having a few drinks in a local strip joint, asked some of the dancers who, out of the armed forces, they thought was the sexiest. Out of the 7 dancers asked, 6 said (in the confines of a private booth) ‘soldiers’ whilst 1 said ‘sailors’. Unfortunately,

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