Category Archives: Police Morale

‘Take Down’ Mode To Be Fitted To Cop Cars

The Ministry of Morale can confirm that ‘takedown’ mode will now be fitted to police vehicles for when officers are single crewed.  Single crewing is a phenomenon in policing where police officers are expected to face dangerous situations on their own and often without any back-up nearby.  This situation has arisen because, a few years ago, some politicians (who have

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Emergency Services & NHS Staff Brace Themselves For Annual Morale Failure (Bonfire Night)

The Ministry of Morale is preparing its Morale Coordination Centre (MCC) to be inundated with calls from emergency services and NHS personnel who will experience morale failures tonight. The reason for this is that thousands of citizens who like to act like complete tatwaffles will end up firing fireworks at emergency vehicles just because they enjoy acting like complete and

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‘I’VE MET THE TSG’ Tag Starts To Appear On Vehicles Belonging To Wrong’uns

The Ministry of Morale is investigating after graffiti tags of: ‘I’ve Met The TSG’ have started to appear on cars belonging to wrong’uns.  A wrong’un is anyone who decides to embark upon a career of criminality, and the TSG is one of the Met Polices’ elite units who are tasked with disposing of wrong’uns.  Because branding humans is frowned upon,

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Garda Officer Helps To Remove Graffiti With Urine

The Ministry of Morale would like to clarify the actions of a Garda Officer after he was snapped by a professional bystander trying to remove unsightly graffiti using urine.  When the image was first circulated, citizens incorrectly assumed that the officer was having a pee up against the wall for no apparent reason.  This is not correct.  The officer was

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New ‘Wambulances’ To Be Rolled Out To Ease Strain On Emergency Services

The Ministry of Morale is pleased to announce the introduction of a fleet of brand new ‘Wambulances’ which are intended to help take the strain off of the overworked, overstretched and under-resourced emergency services.  Many citizens may not know, but much of the emergency services time is taken up dealing with adults who behave like ‘numpties’.  There is also a

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Police Officer Endures Morale Failure After Being Forced To Deflate A ‘Donut Floaty’

Our American Morale Embassay has made us aware of an incident that occurred, which has resulted in a police officer suffering from a morale failure after being forced to deflate a ‘donut floaty’. In a post shared on the Waukesha County Sheriff’s Department Facebook page, a spokesperson said: ‘Deputy McDonald consoles Deputy Kristalidis after he had to deflate a donut

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‘We’ll Make It Rain For 365 Days To Reduce Crime’ Says Chief Morale Officer

The Ministry of Morale is announcing plans to interfere with the climate to make it rain for the next 365 days. it is hoped that, by doing this, then crimes rates around the country will start to decrease as wrong-uns tend not to go out when it’s wet. Since Mrs May cut police numbers, we have seen an increase in

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Study Reveals That 99% Of People Who Refer To The Police As ‘Pigs’, Failed The Police Entrance Exam

The Ministry of Morale can reveal that 99% of the individuals who call the police ‘pigs’ have, in fact, failed the police entry exam. This would explain why such individuals compare police officers to animals that have to put up with being surrounded by so much s**t every day. The study was started after one of our undercover morale officers

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Police Officers Refusing To Do Their Level Two Public Order Training To Safeguard Their Morale

The Ministry of Morale has been made aware of the fact that some police officers are refusing to do their level two public order training, as, once completed, the training adversely affects their (already depleted) morale. We are hearing unconfirmed yet credible reports that the number of cancelled rest days for level two officers is now getting beyond a joke,

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