Author Archives: Chief Morale Officer

Police Officers Warned To Turn Off Bodycams While Having A Dump At Work

The Ministry of Morale is warning citizens of the law enforcement variety to switch off their bodycams when going for a poo in order to prevent the footage from being played in court.  Even though most bodycam’s only record once a button is pressed, the Ministry of Morale has been informed that some forces have purchased knock-off bodycams from a

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Police Stop Lorry Full Of Brits Fleeing Country In Search Of Better Leadership

Morale Agents have intercepted a lorry full of Brits who said that they were fleeing the country in search nations which are led by honest political leaders.  In total, nearly 60 million people were found in the back of the lorry with minimal possessions of them.  One of those on board, who wished to remain anonymous, told the Ministry of

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New ‘Armchair Toilet’ For People Who Spend Hours On The Loo

The Ministry of Morale is pleased to announce the development of a brand new ‘armchair toilet’. Our dedicated morale scientists have spent the last 15 years trying to come up with a comfortable way of spending 3-5 hours on the toilet.  In particular, citizens of the male variety like nothing more than to sit on the toilet for days at

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Cat Owner Too Scared To Return Home After Cats Eats Years Supply Of Protein Powder

A cat-owning-citizen has endured an enormous morale failure after returning home only to find that their cat had grown to such an extent, that it filled the whole house.  Ms Feline had left her cat at home when she went shopping for some general day-to-day amenities and morale.  However, Ms Feline forgot to shut the door to her cupboard, which

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Caitlyn Jenner’s Former Gonads To Be Used In First ‘Bush Tucker’ Trial | I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here

The Ministry of Morale can confirm, via an unconfirmed source, that globally renowned celebrity Caitlyn Jenner will be donating her former gonads for the first bush tucker trial. The popular show, which involves celebrities, amongst other things, shi*ting in a bucket, is due to return to our screens this Sunday.  However, animal rights activists (insect division) have scorned the show

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Prisoner Spends 8 Years Digging A Tunnel And Bursts Out Into Guards Room

A prisoner has experienced a morale failure of epic proportions after spending eight years digging a tunnel using a spoon, only to end up bursting out into a guards room.  The male was serving 20 years after stealing morale belonging to other people when he decided to try and make a break for it.  He then spent eight years digging

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Heroic Dog Swims 22 Nautical Miles Out To Sea To Retrieve Owners Ball

A heroic hound has been commended by ball enthusiasts for swimming 22 miles out into the North Sea to retrieve his owner’s favourite tennis ball.  The dog, named ‘Neptune’, was taking its owner for a walk along the beach earlier this year.  The dog had instructed its owner to repeatedly throw the ball into the heavy seas so that ‘Neptune’

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Pressing The ‘Home’ Button On Your Phone When At Work Does Not Mean You Can Leave Early

Citizens have been reporting morale failures via our morale hotline after realising that pressing the ‘home’ button on their phones while at work, won’t actually get them home.  Citizens have told us that they thought pressing the ‘home’ button would mean that they could finish work, despite only being there five minutes. After pressing the ‘home’ button on their mobile

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Police Officers Must Now Provide Energy Bars To Wrong’uns Who Run Away From Them

The Ministry of Morale has decided that Police Officers and PCSOs must now provide energy bars to citizens who run away from them; just in case the wrong’uns get hungry.  This foolish decision has been made after it became apparent that police officers are not removing their own clothing to keep wrong’uns warm who have broken the law.  So we

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