Author Archives: Chief Morale Officer

‘Jeremy’s Retirement Drinks’ Event Set Up On Facebook With 13k Citizens ‘Interested’

A retirement drinks event has been set up on Facebook to mark the imminent retirement of the current Leader of the Labour Party, Jeremy Corbyn.  The ‘event’ is running from today up until the 25th December, meaning that the knees-up will be spanning 12 days; making it one of the most extended retirement drinks events ever recorded.  So far, 5,100

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Santa Goes AWOL After A Heavy Drinking Session In Poland

The Ministry of Morale (Morale Coordination Centre) has been notified about an incident involving Santa while he was transiting through Poland.  At around 23:15 hours yesterday evening, Santa was seen to enter a strip club in a well known night spot as he stopped for a quick break in Poland.  However, he did not emerge from the festive venue until

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Christmas Postponed After Santa Endures 72-Hour Wait In A&E

Unfortunately, Christmas has now been postponed in order to give Santa enough time to recuperate from a 72-hour wait in A&E.  The Festive character was taken to hospital via a blue-light Taxi-ambulance after he became stuck in someone’s chimney during a trial run, ready for the 24th December.  However, the chimney that he picked was much smaller than his large

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BMW Owner Gets Angry After Realising That Front Grill Isn’t A Toaster

An irate BMW owner has endured an epic morale failure after realising that their front grill isn’t actually a toaster.  At around 06:30 hours this morning, the BMW owner in question walked out to their vehicle with several slices of bread, hoping to eat some toast before driving into work.  They placed the bread into the gaps in the front

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Citizens Urged Not To Give Skittles To Their Dogs After Rainbow Emerges From Dogs Bum

“Taste the rainbow” has long been the slogan associated with the popular sweets known as ‘Skittles’.  However, the MoM is urging citizens to make sure that they refrain from giving their pets these sweets after a rainbow was spotted emanating from a dogs butt.  The dog had found a packet of the sweets which had been purchased by its owner.

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Investigation Launched After Dominos Pizza Guy Spotted At McDonald’s

The Ministry of Morale has launched an investigation after a Dominos delivery driver was spotted at a McDonalds Drive-Thru.  The incident was captured on camera by a professional bystander who just happened to be passing by at the time.  In a Morale Failure Report which was submitted to the MoM, the professional bystander wrote: “It worries me deeply that a

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Have You Seen Them? Missing Person Reports Filed For Diane Abbott & Jacob Rees-Mogg

The Ministry of Morale has filed two missing person reports for Diane Abbott and Jacob Rees-Mogg.  The duo has not been seen since the general election (to be held on the 12th December) was announced.  Rees-Mogg was last seen three weeks ago being chased down by an angry pack of citizens who were heard to shout various expletives at him. 

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Man Turns Into A Doughnut After Eating The Sweet Treat Non-Stop For Ten Years

The Ministry of Morale has been informed of a morale failure involving a citizen who ate only doughnuts for around ten years.  The male in question woke up to find that overnight, his body had taken on the form of a doughnut.  As soon as we heard about the incident, we sent our morale agents to the location to support

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