Protester Tries To ‘Rub Out’ Police Officer With Giant Pencil

An angry protestor has been spotted armed with a giant pencil trying to ‘rub out’ a police officer during some demonstrations regarding the lack of morale in society. The Ministry of Morale is pleased to report that no officers were rubbed out during the encounter and that the protestor was given a massive pencil case to put his oversized pencil

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New Work Toilets Will Mean Your Boss Can Keep An Eye On You Even When You Are On The Loo

The Ministry of Morale is pleased to announce that on a date that is yet to be determined, all workplaces will be fitted with these brand new ‘half-loos’.  The toilets will mean that your boss will be able to keep an eye on you while you are using the loo; thus enabling them to ensure that you are not wasting

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New ‘WeeWoo’ Ambotanks To Be Used In Areas Where Ambulance Crews Have Been Attacked

The Ministry of Morale is pleased to announce that brand new heavily armoured ‘WeeWoo’ ambotanks will soon start to appear in areas of the country where ambulance crews have been attacked or abused.  Following a recent study, our morale scientists concluded that anyone who attacks or assaults a member of the ambulance service (or their vehicle) is officially a ****. 

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Drones To Be Decorated With Medals After Successful Campaigns

The Ministry of Morale can confirm that UAVs (commonly referred to by civilians as ‘drones’) will now be decorated with medals after a successful mission.  The decision has been made following some recent sorties which have been carried out by drones.  Ordinarily, a drone would not get any medal/ribbon following a successful mission, but combat dogs and dolphins do. Therefore,

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Man Addicted To Brake Fluid Said He ‘Can Stop Whenever He Wants’

A man who has fought a 12-year addiction to brake fluid has said that he can ‘stop anytime he wants’ after local supplies of the liquid ran out.  The addiction started when the male mistook a can of brake fluid for a can of coke.  After ingesting the highly noxious and highly corrosive fluid, the male noticed that – because

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Dog Owners Who Refuse To Clean Up Their Dog’s S*it Will Have Their Faces Rubbed In It

Recently, our morale hotline has been inundated with calls from angry citizens who have endured morale failures after stepping in dog s*it that has been left on the streets and in parks by lazy dog owners.  Because so many people have been off of work and have been walking their dogs over the last two weeks, the amount of dog

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Girls Lost At Sea For 26 Days Kept Afloat By Massive Lip Fillers

Two girls have been rescued after being adrift in the North Sea for 28 days after falling over the side of a ferry that was bound for France.  Despite having no lifejackets, the duo managed to stay afloat owing to their massive lip fillers which acted as buoyancy aids for the seafaring friends.  A vast search had been conducted in

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Secret Documents Reveal That The Emergency Services Could Be Outsourced To ‘Uber Eats’

A secret Government document from an anonymous whistleblower suggests that some tasks currently carried out by Fire, Police and Ambulance services could be outsourced to delivery company ‘Uber Eats’. The document allegedly states that studies indicate that Uber Eats respond to calls significantly faster than the emergency services. In cases of minor fires, selected Uber Eats drivers would be issued

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Teenager Demands ‘Danger Money’ From Parents For Handling Dad’s Underpants When Doing The Laundry For Pocket Money

A father from Harrogate has today been left totally bamboozled by his family’s latest news. The father has been encouraging his teenage daughter to do some chores around the house in order for her to gain some ‘life experience’ and actually earn her pocket money before she goes off to university. However, in a cruel twist of fate, his notion

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